When loneliness writes a tale

 

My name is Oluchukwu Chinaza Cecilia Ogbonnia.  I'm the only child of my parents(most people don't know that about me) 

How do u cope being the only child? This is a question I receive almost everyday of my life.

I Know you are enjoying being the only child? Some would say.

When will you get married so your parents will see their grandchildren, because you know you are the only child? I get tired of those random comments and questions here and there.

 I'll answer the question; How do you cope being the only child?

 I tend to do most things on my own, I'll say I literally grew up on my own, confided in a place. You know that kind of strict life by every Nigerian parents especially mothers. My life was basically Triangular, from Church to School and then holidays. This drained everything about me, my interaction level with my peers and older people mounted to zero because I believed when elders talk you keep mute.🤫 I really can't remember having friends and this resulted to a new found love, writing. Since my parents were always out, I found solace in imagination, penning down these imagination to reality. 

 Whenever I went out and asked how are your siblings? my countenance would immediately change, the one that left me broken was when someone reminded me of my position as an only child.

I remember coming back from school with my school mates(5 of us in primary 2) and siblings held hands togther when one of them said; Chinaza you have a twin sister o, he probably said this to give my loneliness hope because nobody held my hands as a sister. From that day on, I created the imagination of having a twin sister that I would eventually meet😅, this continued after some years when I decided to gather the moral to ask my dad if it was true, unfortunately my hopes were dashed away. I had to destroy the imagery of a twin sister and told myself "she's dead". It wasn't an easy moment for me as I was always in the box, everything about my life revolved in my personal world. My mum always complained that I acted like they were hurting me for what they had no idea and I didn't enjoy anyone's company(but how could I, when I had no sibling🥺

How did I get over this phase?

You see loneliness is not good(an idle's mind is the devil's workshop) and it eats up everything about you, but when thoughts try to flood my head I try to live out of them and get myself back somehow. The day I surrendered my life to Christ the story changed, it was during my secondary school days in my home church, trust me that's the best decision you can make in your life time. I found out I could sing, this became a cool hobby. I would compose songs, sing them to replace foolish imaginations and this reduced my writing them down too. I also remember one of my aunts who accused me of making my mother barren and holding the siblings from coming to earth (I just couldn't understand it😅) To make matters worse I have a very retentive memory(not like it's bad or something) just that I remember word for word and find it hard to let go negative words or experiences. However I ask God to intervene because I wasn't finding it funny. 

Yeah, my new personality made my parents happy especially my mum who found my silence disheartening.The truth is, she didn't want to raise a spoilt child all in the name of being "her only child", so she took her time to discipline me when I messed up and I must say this training helped a lot(train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he would not depart from it)

 I could freely express myself without stammering, found joy in exploring my abilities.The low self-esteem, feeling of being the least amongst my peers, not being fit for a position gradually disappeaed. 

💜💙💚💛🧡♥️🖤💜💙❤️♥️💘💝💖💗💓

What I do regularly🤔

SELF EXAMINATION😎: Each year I take a self examination of who I was in the previous year versuses who I want to be in the present year. Even when regrets tend to whisper, I know that experiences shape me. To my greatest surprise I get better as the days go by.

I remember a leadership position I handled in the university and how much I looked down on myself.

POSITIVE WORDS: 🤓 Right now I know my self worth. I wake up everyday speaking positive words, reminding myself of who I am. I am a daughter of Zion and I'm not expected to be the least, I am not too small or young for any task. I am Beautiful,Bold, Brilliant, Precious... name it. 

https://anchor.fm/okwuchi-praise/episodes/The-power-of-words-eei1sh

(listen up for more on the power of words)

I would say as high as expectations are considering my position in the family as an only child, I donnot allow them weigh me down😴.  All I have to say is, God has been so good to me.I can't describe completely but I see the reflection of new things. One with God is majority. It doesn't really matter how many surround you, if you don't have God, loneliness would cloud your mind and consume your happiness. 😇

I really hope this blesses your soul and uplifts your spirit. This isn't a consolation speech but one to encourage you in your present situation. I love you.

Thank you very much for taking your time to read this true life story and emotion filled one. 

Feel free to share with your friends and loved ones. 

Your Friend,

Tamar💋