DELICIOUS POISON

Delicious poison

Poison is never served as poison but enticing delicacy,😬 you know that Nollywood scenario where Mrs B will want to end Mr A's life, so she goes ahead to prepare a sumptuous meal with "otumokpo" inside and unfortunately, Nkechi her daughter happens to meet the food first and of course could not help but settle to enjoy the delicacy which is actually poison in disguise... Well, this is how we are presented with so much poisonous decisions that look so irresistible.

Growing up I didn't have so much opportunity to mingle with people, going out with friends or even chatting with some of them wasn't frequent in my schedules, it was always from the classroom to bedroom experience, so the little I could do was enjoy the friends in school and very few in the church because those are the major places I could freely interact. This went on till after my junior secondary education, ah! That long holiday before senior school changed a lot, I started visiting the church frequently, a opportunity to leave the house and enjoy a little freedom😁😃you understand that moment the church suddenly becomes your home because you they can't easily be convinced when you are going somewhere else..., to spice it all up, so many young people of my level were always around. I started mingling with new friends, listening to counsel and enjoying their company, it felt so amazing and the young girl in me decided to maximize this opportunity. I used to see myself as a very strong lady not moved by mere emotions, didn't feel anything for any boy. I was just focused on my God and studies and things were actually working well in those dimensions of my life, I didn't discover that we only exercise strength over things we've not been exposed to the danger of falling victim of, in other words, the only time you can say you are not a thief is that moment you're presented with circumstances that will suggest you take that precious thing after all you need it badly and no one can see you lay hand on it. So calling someone else the weak person when you've not truly tested how strong you can be  is out of way.

That faithful day, he walked up to me and said somethings that would have made me create some artisctic drawings with my feet, but as rude as I was, "I don't do such" was my response, I went home that day with my shoulders high as the tough lady, He was everyone's prince charming and he couldn't even bear someone saying "No" to him. Well who cares besides I had always been the hot cake in my street, both young and old wanted me maybe, just maybe because I wasn't always at sight like the others and the difference in my lifestyle, little did I know my restrictions then helped me gain that respect and attraction from people, even parents wished their children could be like me, well that's an interesting thing to know and I enjoyed the praise of everyone. I lived beyond what was obtainable there. Some shifts happened after taking grip on the counsel of a friend, who made me feel I was being too harsh and unfriendly to the male folk, I actually felt like a beast within, "was that how people looked at me?" So I began to adjust and funny enough it seemed my restlessness began, I started getting along with him in particular, well, I started smiling so hard for the same person I shunned. We began as just friends but over time I could sense I was loosing myself to this guy, I knew this was not the original plan but I lacked the capacity to say "No", there's no doubt that it happens to us sometimes, 

I always listen to the voice that whispered to me "there is nothing wrong with it joor after all you are not doing anything bad", and who says you have to go through physical contacts that's sex to know you've crossed the boundary? what about the emotional distress, the distractions and misplaced prioties that comes with it, I knew somehow I've crossed the boundary, especially when I noticed people's respect for me started dropping gradually, of course it didn't melt away completely. Instead of growing it was dwindling bit by bit, " so the almighty lady ha finally fallen for one, yes I fell right? but not to waywardness, I fell for a young, very tall and intelligent guy that's even a Christian, so? that's not what they want to know, the most important thing to them is that finally she's  given in... Well I didn't really care so much for "I thought I was in love" that single relationship opened up my emotions and made me see the weakness in the strong lady, I had so much opportunity to back off but I was afraid of hurting myself. I knew I  was going to get hurt someday,anyway, but the boldness vanished..., instead I nurtured it the more, I guess we were both victims of premature relationship/love affair. No wonder The Song of Solomon says we should not awaken love till time die. There is the perfect timing for everything, so why steal from a package that's yours, when it finally gets to you, you would have been left with an empty package. It took forever for me to take that bold step on the right lane, God has a way of pulling us out of the mess we find ourselves even when we wouldn't willingly do so, that was how He interrupted Paul's journey without his consent, so don't worry when it seems your efforts towards something is always fraustrated, perhaps it's not the best for you and your true love is preparing a better option, just chill and see Him act on your case.

What about my emotions, how would I have managed it? Having received too much of the "love thing" I understood that no one has the capacity to fill the void in me except God so I consciously built my relationship with my first love allowing Him manage my everything at that point I could always feel the sensation of His loving arms wrapping me so tightly.

Have Him as the everything you need till the right time He orchestrates that man that He has prepared for you to perfectly fill up that emptiness you feel..., Someone would say, for you, you're still very much in tact maybe that's why you could face the Lord and even roll with Him without reservations, what about me that have been sapped of everything in me, I steadily don't feel a sense of worth. Well, I know God knows us better than we do and He's the only person willing to accept us just as we are, infact the return means so much to Him, He misses you and can't wait to have you again, but He wants to see that in us He is the first just as in the case of Abraham in Genesis 22,

The quest to belong has taken so many young ladies off their feet, it seems you're being left behind the world's scale.  I felt safe allowing God manage my love life. You could try that you know. It may not be easy but Lord I'd keep running to you, sometimes I get weary but I know that you're pulling me through...

My dear lady, keep your worth, fight and don't allow anything play around it. It is not what you see in every package that actually defines the content. Somethings are actually poisons in disguise.

Finally Dear Lady learn to take up courage to say No to the things you don't want, so many ladies die in silence as a result of pressure. The capacity to say No can save us a lot...loose grip of that fear and face the outcome, most times it's not as disastrous as you'd think or imagine.

About Blessing

Igwe Blessing Chidinma a renowned Christian, devoted to Christ and a biotechnologist/Genetic Engineer from Alex Ekwueme Federal University Ndufu-Alike, Ebonyi state, a serving Corp member in Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship (NCCF) Jos, Plateau State. A member and one of the leadership of Gospel voice Royal Family, an organization set out to help young people grow in the way of the Lord, extend the Gospel to the ends of the Earth, overcome youthful challenges and also experience tangible growths in different dimensions of life including academics...With deep passion for young people, she desires that they grow in Passion and Purity. A leather therapist, making all kinds of leather works ranging from footwear, bags, purse, wallet, belts etc

Yours Sincerely,

Tamar's Diary 🤫