Can you keep this secret?

Five years ago, the month of March to be precise, my mum was in the midst of her friends and you know the way every mother wants to show off their child and their abilities based on one achievement or the other. She started with how I was doing well in school and was made the Head girl of the popular St. Margret high school. This role signified that the student in question is intelligent and responsible. She came home repeating the same news to my grandma who lived in the village as at that time🤦. The truth about my true nature was between myself and God, trust me, there are somethings I couldn't tell my "highly expectant mother" who had trained us in the way of the Lord and gave us all the moral upbringing she knew and inherited from her mother. I am the first born, the first grandchild from my maternal side. So when my name is mentioned, it is expected that others(younger relatives) work in the same path of "goodliness and responsibility"😬

    can you see my mother's happy face?

Fast forward to Now:

I'll be graduating from the University this year(University of Maryland) I guess my addiction would stop when I get to Nigeria because the weather there is too harsh and wouldn't require I sniff codine to keep myself warm. Moreover I would also eventually get married to a man who would help my condition and understand that I get drunk to ease off tension and forget what depression feels like down to my bone marrow. 

Would you like to know how this all started?

I ask you again, can you keep this secret?

John Prince or Prince John, I really don't care any longer. We were both preparing for Cambridge (a foreign exam for those who want to study in the US) and as much as I needed clarity in the courses taught in class. A part of me craved for attention and solace. I was tired of trying to be that kind of example and person every child from the Ukone kindred looked up to. I needed someone I could comfortably talk to without expecting anything from me. 

One of the days when I inhaled my first cocaine(Prince said it wouldn't hurt, well I was desperate to know if it would hurt or not) Heaven knows I can't remember what happened to me, I just found myself awake in another world🤫 I picked myself up, washed my face and went home.(it's not as easy as you are reading though) You see my mother is a nurse and takes shifts, so that faithful day she wasn't around. Just our maid and she too had her strolling centers.

Anyway that was the beginning of my addiction, I didn't mind the aftermath effect. I really can't remember how I passed my exams but I knew I was still normal to write Cambridge. Moreover, the fear of failure was worst than the harm I was causing myself. 

Like I said earlier I'll be graduating from the University of Maryland soon, do you understand what it is to travel abroad, live alone without parental interference? 🤔 Are you thinking how I would have lived my life? The addiction increased, it's easier to find these *pots* cheap over here compared to my country. It's also very easy to get a good gang to encourage yourself. I didn't party so much, my introvert self found solace in the coke my body was consuming.

 Did I tell you I am on a partial scholarship and was almost at the edge of loosing it as a result of skipping classes. Shii,🤫 it's a secret, my mother must not find out.

However, I found my feet back. So yes, I didn't loose it. Thanks to intervention of some church friends(I also attended Sunday services whenever I remember)

Please don't cry for me😓😥

I'll be 22 years old tomorrow, how time flies yeah? I'm currently typing this in Havana Hospital, Lagos,Nigeria where I'm undertaking treatment for my damaged lungs. Trust me, I know you couldn't keep this secret so I decided to tell my mum before she finds out from a stranger(that's you reading this) that her daughter (the once upon a time "example") might leave this world to the world of the unknown. She hasn't stopped subbing. What can I do? I told God if a miracle would happen, I'll give myself to him alone without argument. 

I'll be going in for surgery soon. I'll like to drop this, whatever addiction you may be fighting can come to an end with your conscious effort, counselling intervention and yeah prayers. You don't have to be in my position before you realize that. I've learnt my lessons and regrets. 

You can now share this secret. 

Hope someone learns from it. 

Take care. 

Yours sincerely,

Dora.

Thank you for reading!

Don't forget to share.

Tamar👌